


The Moon Looks Perfect Tonight

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: ADHD, Adaptation, Bad Parenting, Bisexual Tsukino Usagi, Character Study, Combination of the manga and anime plot lines prob, Depression, Eating Disorders, Everyone Is Poly Because I Say So, F/F, F/M, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Lives, References to Depression, Retelling, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slow To Update, Stream of Consciousness, Suicidal Thoughts, me venting on character what I have no clue what you are talking about
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-10-25 13:55:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: per·fectverbpərˈfekt/1.make (something) completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such a condition as possible."he's busy perfecting his fighting technique"adjectiveˈpərfikt/1.having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be."she strove to be the perfect wife"2.absolute; complete (used for emphasis)."she felt like a perfect idiot"[usagi was trying, she really was, so why was she failing?]





	1. Chapter 1

Usagi had never been perfect, or needed in her life. Naru was her only close friend, and knew what a screw up usagi was. No one really expected anything from her, they all knew she was a failure. everyone was content with her being her 'dizzy' self.

They were all to disappointed in her to expect anything.

She's stressed, she's so so stressed, and sad, and _she doesn't know why._  She wishes she could run away, be someone extraordinary, do things that aren't just wasting time, like a hero from a video game.

 

 

Usagi dreams of dying.

She dreams of blurred out faces, battles that cannot be won, a time in life ticked away. 

She dreams of plunging a sword into her chest.

She doesn't know why it feels so familiar, and she'd rather just forget such dreams.

 

Sometimes, she dreams that she is a princess. She dreams that everyone loves her, adores her, yet she is lonely, just a bit. She dreams of meeting someone on a quiet night, somewhere she's not supposed to be, and falling in love. These dreams hold a air of melancholy and romance, feels like something someone would call _beautiful_ , and _tragic_.

This princess, she doesn't know why she dreams of her, because this princess embodies it– that beautiful tragedy, constantly being praised, and cried over.

Usagi can't remember being called beautiful in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Black cats are a sign of luck.

in America, they're bad luck, blending in with the dark, eyes almost glowing, standing out, the unknown lurking.

In japan, they're good luck, soft purring guiding people from the dark, to safey, eyes the light you need to see, illuminating.

But usagi wasn't thinking of that when she saw the cat, scraped and hurt, she was thinking of the injuries the cat was obtaining, not if this cat signaled hope or disaster.

[Later, when she _does_ think of this, she wonders which kind of black cat Luna is. Was this good or bad luck?]

 

That day was a normal day, besides the morning cat-- usagi was late, sleepy, hungry and failed her test. It wasn't unusual, really, everytime she tried, it was the same. Still, it was suprising she got such a low grade, it made her want to moap, or give up, or cry. She wondered why she just didn't _get it,_ if she really wasn't trying hard enough, or if maybe she was just dumb. But whenever she tried to focus she just couldn't, her mind went to food, or friends, or really anything other than what she was supposed to be doing. Really, she wondered if it mattered anymore, she would always fail, right?

Naru was a gem, though, as she talked about gems. And something else too—someone else—sailor v. She wondered if maybe she could be a hero like that girl, but pushed that aside. Usagi was a slacker, failer, she couldn't save people like that.

(She wondered what it was like, though, to be loved by everyone. Sailor v didn't have to worry about her peers or parents or grade, did she?)

 

When she got home she was exhausted, but a bit happy after her time with naru, maybe. She was nervous, after her mom asked her about her quiz—damn you umino—trying to stop the enviable with _uh um well you see,_ before handing it over, in the end.

She got kicked out.

Again.

(sometimes, when this happens, when she disappoints her mom to much, is fourced to bang and cry on the door, she remembers glimpses of silver. She doesn't know why, but sometimes she thinks things that don't make sense— _my old mom wouldn't do this, I wish I was back in the silver millennium_ —but she shakes those thoughts away. She's never been that close to her mom really anyways, so it doesn't hurt that bad anymore.)

When usagi is let back in, she's tired from crying so much—tired of crying so much—maybe she should study some, so this doesn't happen again, but she's just so tired, so she sleeps instead.

And the cat returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah the thing with usagis mom is a cannon thing in the 90s anime and her brother says "again" so we know her being kicked out isn't a one time thing
> 
> That's messed up


End file.
